Line up, line up, for the inaugural Het Peak Day

It’s April 1st, making it the official Day of Het Peak: a time for us to celebrate the (few) fantastic straight romances out there. At least, that’s what we’ve decided, anyway.

After all, we’ve spent a lot of time dwelling on our favourite queer pairings. And I mean, a LOT. It’s one of the only things we think about. Or something like that.

Across all TV, film, and video games, there are a lot of heterosexuals. It feels like an almost endless well of them, actually. The only thing is, a lot of the relationships those characters end up in just… Aren’t so great. 

So, let’s take a moment to appreciate a few couples that don’t make us cringe, wince, or reach for the remote.

Oh, and before you proceed: please assume there will be spoilers for all things listed. Don’t say you haven’t been warned.

Het Peak Honorary Mentions 

Alongside the couples we chose to highlight, we also had a few honorary mentions in mind:

• Rumi x Jinu – Kpop Demon Hunters
• Kiki x Tombo – Kiki’s Delivery Service
• Su Li-zhen x Chow Mo-wan – In The Mood For Love
• Reze x Denji – Chainsaw Man
• Mia Fey x Godot (Diego Armando) – Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney – Trials and Tribulations
• Princess Peach x Mario – Mario Bros. Universe
• Audrey x Seymour Krelborn – Little Shop of Horrors
• Shizuku Tsukishima x Seiji Amasawa – Whisper of the Heart
• Lisa x The Creature – Lisa Frankenstein
• Katherine x Sam – Close to You
• Kaya x Usopp – One Piece
• Sophie Charalambos x Al Roberts – Stath Lets Flats
• Maybe Zelda x Link from The Legend of Zelda franchise, but they’re kind of every orientation all at once

Maybe they’ll make it to hetero mountain next April.

11. Akashi x Protagonist/Me/Senpai – The Tatami Galaxy

Absolute Looney Tunes heterosexuality. Y’know, when he’s not kissing the demon boy instead. ~ Toni Oisin H.C.

10. Kat Stratford x Patrick Verona – 10 Things I Hate About You

I’ll be honest – this one made number 10 just for the film’s title. But how can you not love the incredible pair that is Kat Stratford (Julia Styles) and Patrick Verona (Heath Ledger)? Let me count the ways.

I’ll spare you from giving 10 Things I Love About Them, but in a nutshell, the push-and-pull dynamic between them never feels forced or cliché. I truly believe that that’s how they’d act, so points for realism. Both characters get their fair share of scene-stealing moments – Kat’s tearful poetry reading and Pat’s Frankie Valli performance, to name but two – but make no mistake, they’re more than the sum of their (phenomenal) parts.

Plus, Heath Ledger was definitely part of my bisexual awakening, so I’d be doing my younger self a disservice by not mentioning this film here. ~ AC Lavender

9. Kitty Softpaws x Puss in Boots – Puss in Boots Universe

Everyone loves a bad boy, right? At least, Kitty Softpaws (Salma Hayek) certainly does. I can’t blame her – Puss in Boots’ (Antonio Banderas) roguish charm is hard not to be swept up in.

While the first Puss in Boots film ends with the pair going on the run together and – gasp! – sharing a kiss, it’s hardly smooth sailing for the intrepid duo. Indeed, one of the most shocking revelations in Puss in Boots: The Last Wish is that the titular bad brat cat left poor Kitty Softpaws at the altar. How dare he! Except, well, she didn’t show up either. Truly, they’re a pair of messy divas. I love ‘em.

For all the ups and downs that they go through, there’s a real unbreakable bond between the two. I mean, Puss literally fights Death (Wagner Moura) and is ready to give up his life for Kitty. What more could you want?

Also, they’re totally T4T. Or maybe that’s just me. ~ AC Lavender

8. Mitsumi Iwakura x Sōsuke Shima – Skip & Loafer

Skip & Loafer is often sold as a romance anime, but I don’t think that does it justice at all. Even though Mitsumi Iwakura (Tomoyo Kurosawa) and Sōsuke Shima (Akinori Egoshi) clearly share some kind of romantic connection between them, the sweet coming-of-age series is so much more about them as individuals and friends than it is about their seemingly mutual crush on one another. In a sea of metaphorically 2D pairings, it’s hard not to appreciate that.

I’m equally interested in the lives and ongoings of each of the two kids – not necessarily even as a pair, so much as two separate people with interesting backstories and fleshed-out motivations. Neither of them is reduced to being the other’s romantic interest, ever, making it so much easier to root for them throughout the series.

Also, we needed at least one “black cat and golden retriever” pair on this list, at least. It’s, like, hetero law, or something. ~ Toni Oisin H.C.

7. Yas x Dom – Rye Lane

Stress and conflict can do a number on us all. It can seriously affect interpersonal relationships, often pushing couples to the breaking point. But sometimes, just sometimes, it can bring out the best between two people. Even if that stress comes from your copy of A Tribe Called Quest‘s The Low End Theory getting nicked.

For me, the best part of Rye Lane wasn’t the relentless comedy, or even the stunning cinematography – it was the incredible chemistry between Yas (Vivian Oparah) and Dom (David Jonsson). Don’t get me wrong, the film would have been magnificent regardless, but its Oparah and Jonsson’s phenomenal performances that elevate it to being one of my all-time favourite romantic comedies.

For me, the downfall of a lot of hetero romcoms is a double-bill that crops up too often for my liking. Firstly, an over-reliance on gendered stereotypes. Secondly, having two romantic leads who genuinely seem to dislike each other. Rye Lane avoids these traps through some incredible writing, direction, and performances. With each beat, I was cheering on Yas and Dom in their adventures, and when their hard-earned ending arrived, I was beaming. What a beautiful story. What a beautiful couple. ~ AC Lavender

6. Josie Packard x Harry S. Truman – Twin Peaks

Twin Peaks is a gift that keeps on giving. After many years of being a fan of the show, and spending just as many years untangling the mysteries of this fucked-up town and delving into the minds of its many curious residents, I’ve discovered the biggest secret of all.

There’s not just the titular Twin Peaks. There’s a third peak – the Het Peak that is Josie Packard (Joan Chen) and Harry S. Truman (Michael Ontkean).

Don’t get me wrong, they’re not my favourite ship in Twin Peaks – heck, they’re not even my favourite ship involving Harry. That title belongs to the humble Trucoop. But I’ll be damned if they’re not one of the most beautifully tragic pairings, not just in the show, but across the whole of David Lynch’s filmography. It’s hard not to root for them, despite the horrors.

I personally think that Joan Chen gives one of the most underrated performances in Twin Peaks. She’s magnetic in every scene she appears in – well, perhaps except her unfortunate final one. She’s a huge part of why this ship works – she’s absolutely electric, and you can really feel the pull she has on Harry. Not once do they feel like the “default option” for each other – far from it. No, these two are drawn to each other because they want each other so much that it hurts. And trust me – watching how things pan out, I was hurting too. ~ AC Lavender

5. Momo Ayase x Ken Takakura (Okarun) – Dandadan

It takes a lot for me to believe that a straight pair like each other, and even more to make me care about it. Dandadan achieves just that – even if it took a while.

Teen cryptid-alien-ghost hunters Momo Ayase (Shion Wakayama/Abby Trott) and Ken Takakura (Natsuki Hanae/A.J. Beckles) – or Okarun, as Momo calls him, to avoid any association with her celebrity crush of the same name – make an unlikely but sweet pair. They’re kind of like fries and ice cream, or pineapple on pizza: two very different components that complement each other perfectly.

One reason why Momo and Okarun are such a solid pair is the fact that I actually believe they like each other. Specifically, I believe that Momo has a crush on Okarun, making the relationship a product of her wants, desires, and wishes. She isn’t just there as an object of Okarun’s desires. If anything, it feels like the polar opposite.

Yes, yes, the bar is so low that it’s deep in the basement of Jiji’s family home. But it’s a bar that isn’t regularly surpassed. So, I found Dandadan’s central pair to be totally refreshing and, honestly, adorable. ~ Toni Oisin H.C.

4. Dorothy (Li) Siang-siang x Laurent Thierry – Great Pretender

Dorothy (Yuka Komatsu/Laura Stahl) and Laurent Thierry (Jun’ichi Suwabe/Aaron Phillips) make one good couple. As well as being betrothed to one another, the two are partners in crime – literally – who strive for one common goal: to make each other worse. Well, to a point they do, anyway.

Dorothy is basically connected to Laurent through fate. Except, it’s not so much a red thread connecting them, so much as a long, yellow-brick road. The two aren’t a perfect match, but they help each other along their respective journeys, and the love they share along the way is immensely clear. They’re like doomed yaoi, if yaoi could be between a man and a woman.

Now, I just want to address the elephant in the room: Laurent is obviously bisexual or pansexual. How straight can you really be, while being a boyfriend of Dorothy? In case you somehow couldn’t tell that there was something queer about this “confidence man” from that one scene where he jerks off a rental car gearstick while staring at Makoto Edamura (Chiaki Kobayashi/Alan Lee), then just know that it was actually confirmed in a (now-archived) interview with screenwriter Ryôta Kosawa that Laurent is attracted to people regardless of their gender.

However, Dorothy (or Li Siang-siang, as she’s going by at the end of the series and throughout Great Pretender: Razbliuto) and Laurent make such a great pair that they absolutely deserve the shout-out on our journey up Het Peak anyway. Plus, it’s hard enough to find good hetero pairings – it makes sense that we might have to dip into the couples you can find somewhere over the rainbow, eventually. 

And yes, I do also obviously ship Laurent with Edamura, too. Laurent has two hands, after all – and I’m sure he’d be quick to use them to grab both of his beloveds. ~ Toni Oisin H.C.

3. Evelyn Quan Wang x Waymond Wang – Everything Everywhere All At Once

An obvious pick, sure. And I know that Evelyn (Michelle Yeoh) is evidently queer, at least in some universes. But it takes a lot to get me to cry, and I’ll be damned if Evelyn and Waymond (Ke Huy Quan) didn’t get me close.

I love it when both halves of a pair have unstoppable energies to them; energies that just kick you in the face as soon as you meet them. These two certainly have that from the moment they appear on screen – the scene discussing the googly eyes on the washing machines does so much for me – and it only ramps up continuously as the film progresses.

But really, for me, the reason these two make it onto the podium is for the sequence in the movie theatre. I’ll avoid too many spoilers in case you’ve not seen Everything Everywhere All At Once yet. But if you have seen it, I dare you to tell me you weren’t moved by that scene. These two love each other an apocalyptic amount, with enough pining, longing, and repression to fill up an entire universe, and this sequence spells that out in painful detail.

Most of my favourite couples in fiction are queer. So, it speaks volumes about Evelyn and Waymond’s celestial love that they can still make it into my favourites. Well, them, and the next two couples, that is. ~ AC Lavender

2. Sophie Hatter x Wizard Howl Jenkins Pendragon – Howl’s Moving Castle

You couldn’t write a list like this without including a Studio Ghibli couple somewhere. And, you’d probably be pretty hard pushed not to put them near the top, too. 

As much as I wish there were a few queers hanging around, I have to admit that Studio Ghibli does, in fact, tend to do hetero couples justice throughout its films. They’re practically the original creators of Hetero Peak. Sophie (Chieko Baisho/Emily Mortimer/Jean Simmons) and Howl (Takuya Kimura/Christian Bale) are certainly no exception. I mean, they care for each other enough that they find one another in different time loops, for God’s sake. You don’t get much more romantic than that. Even if they are straight.

Although I do wish that Sophie didn’t have to spend so much time raising the man-child-wizard-combo that is Howl Jenkins/Pendragon, I do think that they’re a rather lovely couple. Despite some of Sophie’s bloke’s best efforts. They bring out the best in each other, and I’m not sure I can say that about that many straight pairings. ~ Toni Oisin H.C.

1. Miss Piggy x Kermit The Frog – Muppets Universe

Look.

Look.

I couldn’t not mention them. 

Toxic? Yes. Straight? Well, I’m not sure pigs and frogs subscribe to the same gender ideals as humans, but for all intents and purposes, I guess. Perfect? Absolutely not. Deserved winners at the top of Hetero Peak Mountain? Of course.

I mean, who else would make it to the top of Hetero Peak? Anyone else Miss Piggy saw along the way would face the force of her pointy little pig-sized stilettos as That Little Piggy went to kick their arse. Or something.

She would climb that mountain and plant a Piggy-Kermit flag on the very top, kicking other heterosexuals down the cliffside along the way. And she would take that damn lizard with her, despite how much he might complain along the way. ~ Toni Oisin H.C.

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Toni Oisin H.C. is the Head of Audio at QSO Media. Read more of his writing here.

AC Lavender is the Head of Written Content at QSO Media. Read more of their articles here.

Small Trans Library is an organisation that offers support to trans individuals in Ireland and Scotland in a wide variety of ways, including through the provision of books, films, and mutual aid. Find out more about them (and how to support them) here.

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